9/25/21

We had a party where Matt Kim brought a bunch of his girl friends to our apartment. One of them chatted me up at the very beginning but it was downhill from there. Tips learned

- If someone latches onto talking about something, lean into it, YES AND that shit. even if it's unexpected and unappreciated by yourself. She complimented my chain and ring, and called me Jack Harlowe. I said "I dont know who that is", and said "maybe I shouldn't have worn these". Immediate nonconfidence, instead of putting a joke in or something.

- Don't sit on the floor or beanbag chair. Remain sitting in a high spot or standing, especially at your own house.

- Don't spell your name out. Freaks ppl out lmao

- Don't comment on things that are taken as a given to various people. I said "Wow three girls coming out of our bathroom", and perhaps I was judgemental in it, someone took me as such. Reasonable.

- don't pretend to have knowledge you don't. Someone said "I took a shit on one of the tallest mountains in CO", and I asked which one. The only mtns I could relate to would be Pike's Peak and perhaps I could make up Baldy being in CO. She said something, then "heard of it?", I said "No". She rolled her eyes and turned away, and I said "I saw that reaction". Instead, I should've asked her if she liked hiking or something.

- If you know someone's name, don't ask their name again. I did that to someone called Imijen, and it seemed petty bc they asked my name. Ugh.

- Lastly, the strategy of being a hyper aware, socially distant person does NOT go well. I thought it would bc of a couple happenings before this, but no, and that should've been easy to know. The BEST way is the middle path between self-conscious and socially aware-ironic. I judge the athletes for being socially unaware and caught up in their own social dynamics, but I'm sure they judge me for being autismo. I know there are other factors rather than being kind of caught up in social dynamics, and kind of aware. Perhaps that's what exuding confidence comes from, to buy into the social game you know you have to play, while having the awareness to be able to back off and make a meta joke or be like "wtf?? go away".

If you are the main character, you're self conscious and caught up in everything that happens. If you are a side character, you are purposefully oblivious without care or tact to how you approach these things. If you want to be social, be social god dammit. Find the middle path, and express your interests and humor with awareness of the social context AND playing into the game that is set up before you.