10/12/21

Last night Dnil and Phrm held a codewes meeting where they decided they'd kick kryl out of the club. This was since the Perp List was put up on yikyak, which had 8-10 number-coded names copy and pasted all around.

I've also noticed, for about a month I've been exploring a new reality/personality where I'm more active, outgoing, dont care what people think. It's certainly been an exhausting process. I feel like I want to take a break from it, but I've learned so much in the past month or so. But I just want to take a break. On friday I had no class, on tuesday I skipped class. Did I just give myself a full fall break before the other? This one was longer, no?! Damn bro, I be lazy atm. This is the first time I smoked week during the day on a school day. I feel like especially going out and seeing people has become mentally taxing for me, since I've started wanting to be more flashy.

Now I find myself reacting to all this, that I'm longterm burnt out from the new reality, and just want to sit in my room and play minecraft and watch youtube and write. Perhaps, I will settle down on the active lifestyle, but still make choices that reflect its influence on me. Wednesday I have classes, so I can work on it more tomorrow, and do maybe 1-2 public things today.

These are the associations I have with the new reality

- Looking flashy / noticeable

- Working out often

- Keeping a spiritual outlook

- The 10-12 rules I got for myself

- Being outgoing with people and meeting new people

- Not being afraid of being dick, or being judged

- Total self confidence (God is at my back type shit)

All this stuff is exhausting. It's hard to pull off, but I've gotten better at it. I think it's fruitful in my social endeavors, but not my academic ones. It's also hard to justify becoming super self-absorbed with becoming spiritual.