3/30/21

Today Thais invited me to a vigil for asian americans on campus, but she was goign with Rachel and Payal (who hate me for breaking up with her, annoying how girls do that), so I didn't go with her. Instead I asked Sebastian and Quentin if they wanted to come and they did. One girl who spoke said something along the lines of- my anger manifested against white people, and I'm angry at the white people on campus because they don't have to deal with this (and I swear she looked directly at me in my bright blue shirt). Some people around us sounded in agreement, and I have to say, this is the first time I've ever felt really ostracized in my community for my race. That's a blessing to be sure, that this is the first time. I think their frustration here is valid, especially when white people are the ones systematically causing these problems, but to ostracize us who're coming to support you... I don't know it just seems counter productive and potentially harmful. One person's speech was talking about how white people are bad to talk to about this stuff, which I can imagine is true. Instead of having them explain and reason their emotions, probably better to say "I understand what you're feeling, it's gotta suck".

I can't make this about me, of course, I complain about getting pointed at in this vigil, but on the corner of washington and high street literally today, a kid was trying to cross when two white dudes pulled up, shoted slurs, and spat at him. My mindset of "we all have problems chill out" is definitely gone, as these psychological problems must pre-exist anything that I would go through.

Many white people are insulted and killed, but it's not for being white.